When You're Gone
by quil12
Summary: Going through a life-changing event is never an easy thing to do, but maybe with the help and support of a few close friends, it becomes easier.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, welcome to this story. I'd like to personally thank you for clicking on it. So anyway, this story is mainly centered around the pairing SuFin. I'll likely add in DenNor later though as a side pairing. Also, I'd just like to mention that I have an OC in this. I felt like she was a good addition to the story. She's Tino's little sister, named Lumi. I called her that because that's what I call nyotalia Finland (just a little fun fact). I added her mainly for maximum emotional crushing later on.

Another thing is that I don't type the pronunciation of words in for characters that have accents that cause people to do that because in the wise, wise words of a youtuber called Nerdcubed," Why did they type his pronunciation in? You don't do that. You type it in the standard words 'cause if you happen to be Welsh and you're reading Welsh there, you're getting twice the Welshness. That could cause people to _die_. You've got to be careful." (Nerdcubed, Ni no Kuni, 2014)

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Enjoy

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Tino sat on his bed in his darkened bedroom. He didn't want to do anything or see anyone, not after the news he had received earlier that day. He pulled his legs into his chest, hugging them there. He couldn't believe what was happening to him, he was just supposed to be a normal teenager with a normal life and normal teenager problems, but no, he just had to have been told that news in the late morning today, the news that left him emotionally and mentally unstable.

Suddenly, there was slight movement and light as his phone vibrated beside him. He picked it up and examined the screen. He had gotten a text from Berwald, his best friend, the message simply read, _What did you find out?_

Normally, he would have jumped at the chance to strike up a conversation with Ber, but not today, and not with that subject.

The Finnish boy locked his phone without replying and leaned back onto his bed, pulling blankets up around him for comfort. He thought briefly about the text again. Ber was his best friend in the entirety of the world. Sometimes though, he thought that he maybe wanted them to be more than friends.

He shook the thought aside, it wasn't like that was ever going to happen, not now at the very least. Sighing, he curled up in the fetal position under the blankets. It wasn't long before drowsiness took over and he fell asleep.

(…)

After what felt like only a few seconds, Tino was awoken by the sound of his phone vibrating. He groggily grabbed it from beside him and held it up to his face. The first thing he saw was the time, it was 3:46 pm. This made him groan a little bit on the inside, taking a nap would skew his sleep schedule so he would probably have a hard time falling asleep tonight. Then, he noticed the thing that had made his phone go off in the first place: another text from Berwald.

 _Everyone's worried,_ it read, _we're coming over._

This made Tino groan a little bit out loud now. He really didn't want to deal with people or to tell them the news before he himself really had time to process it, but he didn't text back and ask them not to come, he knew his friends meant well and now was as good a time as any to tell them.

His friend group was quite a weird one. In middle school, people began calling them the 'Nordic Five'. This nickname deriving from the fact each one of them was from a different Scandinavian country. Tino himself was from the country of Finland. He had lived there until he was nine years old at which point his mom decided to move to America, bringing him with her. Berwald Oxenstierna was the Swede of the group. He and his parents had come to America during the first year of middle school because his dad had gotten a job offer working in the states. Then there was Matthias Køler, the cheerful and sometimes overbearing Dane that had lived in this town far longer than anyone else in their group. Lukas Bondevik was a quiet teen from Norway. He had come to America with his mom when he was about seven after his parents had gotten divorced. Emil Steilsson was Lukas's Icelandic step-brother. After coming to America, Lukas's mother had gotten remarried to Emil's father. Their last names were different because after they had gotten married, Lukas's mother had changed her name, but Lukas had seen no point in it, so he just stayed a Bondevik. Emil was also a year younger than the rest of the group, making him feel out of place sometimes even though everyone tried to be welcoming.

Tino's friend group had a large variety of people in it, and he somehow wondered how they had all managed to stay friends for so long. Unexpectedly, there was a knock on the front door that could be heard faintly from his room. Tino sat up but didn't bother getting out of bed - he knew his younger sister, Lumi would get it. As he sat there, he prepped himself for telling his group of friends about the news he had received this morning.

He took a deep breath and tried not to get too stressed out over this. It _was_ only life-changing information after all.

Tino heard footsteps on the stairs, then there was a slight pause and there was a knock on his door.

"Come in," Tino called, voice nearly cracking as he did so.

The door opened and revealed all his friends standing outside his door. They all shuffled into the room, one by one.

"Hey Tino," Matthias laughed," Why's it so dark in here? You can barely see anything!"

Despite his grim feelings, a smile tugged at Tino's lips due to Matthias's outburst.

"Tino," Berwald said, walking over to where he was sitting on his bed," Are you okay?"

Losing his nerve to tell them outright, Tino tried his best to put on a convincing smile," Yeah, of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"Tino," Berwald started again," Wha-"

Berwald was cut off by Tino talking," So, how have you been today? Anything interesting happen? What did I miss at school? I-"

His rambling was stopped by Berwald placing his hand over his mouth. Tino was even more scared now. He didn't want to be asked the question to which the only answer would be that damned news. He had now lost his only defense against having that question asked – his rambling.

"Tino," Berwald said for the third time," What's wrong?"

Tino stared at him, eyes wide. He didn't want to answer that question. Berwald slowly took his hand away from Tino's mouth so he could speak.

Tino looked around at his friends for help, but it seemed all of them wanted the answer to that question. The room was completely silent as Tino pulled his legs up to his chest. He took a deep breath before finally answering," I'm going to die."

Nobody said anything, but the shock was evident in everyone's eyes, especially Berwald's. Since he had said that much, he figured he might as well elaborate," I have a genetic disease that's causing some of my major organs to fail. The doctor's said that at best I'll have a year and a half to two years to live."

Nobody said anything for a long time. This was a lot of information to process, and nobody could quite believe it. It wasn't possible for their friend to actually be dying, was it?

Matthias, ever cheerful as he was, was the first to snap out of the shocked stupor," Well Tino," he said," walking over to him," I guess your word is law until then."

"What?" Tino asked, confused.

"Well obviously we have to make sure we do everything you want while you still have the chance to do it!" Matthias exclaimed.

Tino looked around at his friends, all of them seemed to agree on this, nodding along to Matthias's statement. "Th-thank you," Tino stuttered, tears welling up in his eyes. He felt lucky to have such great friends.

(…)

His friends stayed at his house until about six before they started leaving. After a little while, only Berwald was left.

With everyone else gone, Tino felt he could express himself and talk more," Hey Ber," Tino said.

Berwald said nothing, just made sure to give his entire attention to Tino.

"What am I going to do?" he asked, voice quavering a little bit.

Berwald placed his hand on Tino's shoulder in a comforting manner," Whatever you want."

"Really?" he asked.

Berwald nodded," Really."

Tino bit his lip," Do you promise not to hate me if I do something now?"

"I'd never hate you," Berwald replied simply.

With that reassurance, Tino took a deep breath, then leaned toward Berwald and pressed his lips against his. Tino wasn't quite sure why he had chosen this particular moment to show how he felt, but the feeling of their lips touching was enough to confirm to him that he had made a good choice.

At the first sign of the kiss, he felt Berwald tense up, surprise evident on his face, but after a few seconds, he began to relax, even going so far as to kiss Tino back! This pleasantly surprised Tino as he wasn't really expecting his affections to be returned.

After what seemed like it could have been an eternity, but in reality was probably no more than a few seconds, they pulled away from each other.

"Tino, I…" Berwald trailed off.

Tino looked up into his eyes, and was relieved to find only affection there. "Ber, I've liked you for a long time," Tino confessed.

"I…" Berwald tried to find the words, but couldn't. Instead, he placed one of his hands on Tino's waist, the other on his back, and pulled him in for another kiss.

Tino slowly wrapped his arms around Berwald's neck. Completely lost in the world of the kiss. Nothing else seemed important to him right now, not even the fact that he was dying. He never wanted this kiss nor this warm embrace to ever end. He just wanted to continue being oblivious to the outside world and never return, stay here with Ber, their lips gently touching, their noses barely grazing, and their foreheads gingerly brushing against each other. Unfortunately, humans have to breathe, so the two were forced to separate, albeit unwillingly.

As they came out of the kiss, Tino was smiling like a madman and even Berwald had a soft smile on his lips.

"Tino, I've liked you for a long time too," Berwald finally managed to say.

At this point, Tino could not have been happier. "Does this mean that we're…?" Tino trailed off.

"Yes." Was all Berwald said in reply," If you want to be."

Tino laughed," Of course I want to."

(…)

It was now a few hours later, and Berwald had just left, leaving Tino to contemplate everything that had happened that day. Before he could even really start thinking, he realized he was starting to get rather hungry – he hadn't eaten since this morning after all. He got up from his bed and started walking toward his door.

He stopped as he reached the door. There was a full-length mirror hanging on the inside of it. He took a moment to study his reflection in it.

His blond hair was currently sticking up in all kinds of weird directions after staying in bed all day. His brown eyes looked mainly happy, but there was a sadness in them. He had on a plain blue t-shirt as well as rumpled black skinny jeans. On his feet were a pair of mismatched socks. One of them was black, the other was green with a blue stripe.

Done looking at himself, he walked down the stairs and toward the kitchen. As he reached the first the floor, he was greeted by his sister.

"Tino!" she exclaimed, running to him," How are you holding up?"

He shrugged," Fine, I guess. I'm hungry though."

"Oh, mom made soup!"

"Okay," Tino said, walking into the kitchen.

Inside the kitchen, there was a pan with soup in it still on the kitchen stove. Knowing it wouldn't be warm, he turned the heat on, on the stove in order to heat it up.

While he waited for the soup to heat up, Lumi barraged him with various questions, ranging from how he was feeling to strange philosophical questions like is everything we aren't in direct contact with just a figment of our imagination to cover up the true reality we live in? Really, he didn't know how a nine year old came up with these questions, but he tried to do his best to answer them if he could.

After his soup was warm, he sat down at the table with a bowl of it. Lumi sat down with him and the questions just kept coming out of her mouth. He really loved his sister. Something that scared him though was that there was a small possibility that she could have the same disease that he did. The possibility was very slim, made even slighter by the fact that she was only his _half-_ sister, but he still worried about her. She was going to get tested for it in a few weeks just to make sure and he was anxiously awaiting that day.

After he was done with his soup, he said good night to his sister and went back upstairs to his room. It was at that point that he remembered something the doctor had suggested to him this morning. It was to keep a journal of the things that went on his life, it was supposed to be something to help him cope with everything that was going on and while he didn't feel like he really needed it right now, he figured he should start it in case he ever actually needed it.

He grabbed a spare notebook off of his bookshelf and sat down at the desk he usually did homework on. He grabbed a pen and started writing:

 _November 17, 2015,_

 _Today was an interesting day. So many life changing events happened. First of all, I went to the hospital because I had been on occasion coughing up a little bit of blood. They ran a few tests on me and the next thing I knew, I was being told that I was going to die of a genetic disease in at the very most, two years. I was completely devastated. At first, I had no idea what to do with that information, I just didn't talk to anyone for as long as I could. Then, all my friends came over and I had to tell them the news. Matthias told me that apparently 'my word is going to be law' for a long while. I'm happy that my friends care about me so much. After a little while, they all left._

 _Then something amazing happened…_

 _I finally got up the courage to kiss Ber. Just imagining that kiss makes me so happy inside. After I kissed him, he actually kissed me too! Apparently he's liked me for just as long as I've liked him. It kind of makes me regret not doing anything sooner…_

 _Anyway, I'm excited to see where this leads. Apparently, we're dating now. I don't know how this will turn out in the end, but I'm crossing my fingers and hoping._

 _I'm not exactly sure how to end this, but I'm going to go to bed now, so goodnight!_


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! Welcome to the second chapter of this story. I wanted to get this up in time for Finland's birthday and even though in most places, it's already the seventh, it's only about 11:40 pm here, so I think I kind of made it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this special birthday edition of this story!

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Tino woke up at about three in the morning. As he stared up at the darkened ceiling of his bedroom, he realized something. _Today's my birthday,_ he thought.

Today he would be turning eighteen, he'd technically be an adult starting from today. He closed his eyes and sighed – so many life changing events had happened in the past few days. First, he had discovered that he was going to die prematurely, then he had starting dating Berwald, and now he was an adult.

Tino reached for his phone, which was sitting on his bedside table. He unlocked it and it opened up to his messages. The first thing he saw was a message from Ber that he'd gotten last night. It simply read:

 _Come to my house tomorrow at 2._

Tino figured that it was going to be something related to his birthday. He had replied to the message with just a simple 'ok'.

Deciding that he wasn't going to get anymore sleep, Tino sat up in his bed and got out of it. He quietly went to the bathroom and went through his usual morning routine, careful not to wake anyone up.

He went back to his bedroom and got dressed. Today, he had decided upon wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a gray t-shirt.

Having nothing better to do, he walked over to his desk and sat down in the chair in front of it. He grabbed a notebook from the stack of notebooks and loose papers placed on the left side of the desk. Over the past couple of weeks, since he had not been back to school yet, his friends had been getting his homework assignments for him. He looked at the notebook in front of him. It was his Algebra II notebook. He really hated that class, and math in general, in fact, he had failed Algebra II as a junior and now had to retake it.

He flipped open the notebook and looked at the work he had to do. It was about completing the square. Luckily, he mostly remembered how to do this and he got to work.

(…)

By six in the morning, he had completed about a quarter of the homework he had to do. He decided that he had enough of that for now.

Tino got up from his chair and walked downstairs. Someone was probably awake by now.

He saw the light on in the kitchen, so went to it. As he walked into the kitchen, he saw his mom busily cooking. She looked up as he came in, "Oh, good morning, honey," she said," Happy Birthday!"

"Good morning," Tino replied," Thank you."

"I was just making breakfast for you," his mom told him.

Tino nodded in response and sat down at the kitchen table. He made small talk with his mom and waited.

(…)

It was now 10 and Tino was in his room again. He was sitting in his desk chair and scrolling through Tumblr.

There was a knock on his door. "Come in," he called, locking his phone.

The door opened and his little sister came in.

"I…I um, made you a present," Lumi said, holding out a folded piece of paper that was a card.

Tino took it from her and looked at it, smiling. It was a homemade card made out of blue construction paper and various colored sharpies. The outside of it read 'Happy Birthday' in messy cursive writing. There were little balloons drawn around the words. The inside of the card was similar to the outside, there were still drawings of balloons on the left side of the paper, but on the right side, there was writing that read, 'Happy 18th Birthday! Have a good day today!' It was signed by Lumi.

He smiled at her standing there," Thank you Lumi, I love it."

"Really?" she asked.

Tino laughed," Yes, of course." He stood up and gave his little sister a hug, "Thank you."

(…)

At about 1:45, Tino walked downstairs from his room. As he passed by the living room, he stuck his head in. His mom and his step-dad were sitting in there watching tv. "I'm going to Berwald's house," Tino called.

His mom looked over," All right, have fun, just don't stay out too late."

Tino nodded," Okay."

Tino grabbed a dark blue jacket off the coat rack and walked out the door, starting the familiar walk to Berwald's house.

(…)

About ten minutes later, he reached the white house where Berwald lived. He walked up the path to the door and knocked.

He only had to wait a few seconds before the door was answered by Berwald.

"Hey," Berwald said," Happy Birthday."

Tino smiled," Thanks."

"Come in," Ber said, holding the door open.

Tino walked inside the familiar house. He heard some chatter coming from the living room, so he followed his instinct and walked toward it, Ber following behind him.

As he reached the living room, he found Lukas, Matthias, and Emil there.

Matthias was the first person to notice him. He broke out into a large grin," Hey Tino!" he called," Happy Birthday!"

"Happy Birthday," Lukas said too.

"Yeah, Happy Birthday," Emil mumbled, ever socially awkward.

Tino smiled," Thank you."

After that, they just hung out for a while, talking and laughing about various random things. Tino ended up getting so lost in the conversation that was going on that he didn't even realize how long he had been there. When he checked the time, it was already five.

Then, Berwald stood up and said he had to go get something. When he came back, he was holding a book that looked like a photo album.

Berwald handed Tino the book and said," Everyone helped in making this. Happy Birthday."

Tino looked at the book, which was indeed a photo album. On the front, there was a picture of the five of them that Tino instantly recognized as one that was taken about two years ago at a Christmas party.

Tino opened the book and started looking at the pictures inside, aware that everyone was moving around him so that they could look too. The first few pictures just involved Lukas, Matthias, and Tino. They were at Outdoor School in sixth grade. Berwald hadn't moved to The States yet and Emil had been too young to attend Outdoor School. The pictures gradually became more present. They covered middle school when Berwald had become part of their friend group. Everyone laughed at themselves as the pictures showed them as tweens, sometimes they were pretty bad. Then, it showed them all on their first day of high school (middle school for Emil). It chronicled their adventures through high school, going to various dances and football games, as well as all the things they did outside of school like the summer they drove to the Grand Canyon or when they went camping near Bend. The last picture was of Tino and Berwald sitting together, Berwald's arm wrapped around Tino's shoulder and Tino leaning against him. Both of them were smiling. Tino recognized this picture as one that his mom had taken about a week ago after they had told her that they were dating. The last few pages were blank and Tino decided that he'd add more pictures as time went on.

He closed the book and hugged it to his chest," Thank you all for this."

After that, everyone went back to talking. As Tino listened, he felt himself getting sleepy. He leaned against Ber and only half-listened to what people were saying.

Tino felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness before he ended up falling asleep on Ber.

(…)

Tino felt himself be shook awake. He groggily opened his eyes and saw that everyone was gone except for Ber.

"What time is it?" he yawned.

"About 9." Ber answered.

"I should get going home then," Tino said, realizing that he was going to be going back to school in the morning.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" Berwald queried.

"Um, if you want to," Tino replied. He didn't particularly like walking alone in the dark.

"Are you ready to go?" Ber asked.

Tino nodded, picking up the photo album he had been given.

They walked to Tino's house in a comfortable silence.

As they approached the door of his house, Tino turned to face Berwald.

"Thank you for everything," he said, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him, needing to stand on his tiptoes to do so.

"Goodnight," Tino whispered to him before walking into his house.

(…)

Tino walked up the stairs to his bedroom and opened the door. The first thing he did was place the photo album on his bookshelf. Then, he went to his desk and opened the journal he was starting to fall into the habit of keeping. He pulled out a pen and started writing about the day.

 _December 6, 2015_

 _Today was my 18_ _th_ _birthday. I feel like my life is going by so fast. As of today, I'm an adult. I can vote, and if I go to any other country, legally drink alcohol._

 _Anyway, Lumi gave me a present today. It was just a card that she made, but I really appreciate it. Then, I went over to Ber's and hung out with all my friends for a while. While I was there, I got a photo album of my times with them since sixth grade to present day. It made me so happy. My parents were talking about getting me a present too. I think I heard them talking about getting me a car which I wouldn't mind._

 _After I hung out with everyone, I ended up falling asleep, but Ber woke me up at about 9 and ended up walking me home. He's really quite cute and I know that it's a bit early in a relationship to say this, but I love him._

 _Well, I suppose I should start getting ready for bed now. I'm going back to school tomorrow so I need to get some sleep tonight._

 _Goodnight!_


End file.
